Sunday, March 21, 2010

A Slice of Fiction by Christopher Pekrul

I PLAY HIDE AND SEEK IN MY NEW MANSION


John was new to the neighborhood. They were just moving in. He wasn’t expecting much from the whole area. It was when he took a look at his future home that he was left speechless…


John had a good life back at home. He had friends, both from in and out of school. But now he was moving. He was not looking forward to the trip. He lived in Vermont previously, so he was happy about moving all the way out to California. His Dad for a successful Law Firm that had many wealthy clients and they were relocating him to a place more convenient for them. So John and his parents, (he being an only child), packed up their things. The move took them 50 hours, with stops every now and then. They finally made it to the neighborhood. The Bentley they just came in rounded the corner and John was flabbergasted. The house they are going to live in was a mansion. As they arrived to the beginning of the driveway, there was a large gate, with security cameras on it. The gate stated: Mcnair Residence 239 Trackback Road. The father, Mr. Mcnair, scanned a special I.D card that allowed them to enter. He then turned around and handed one to John and his Mother. He gave a brief description which John, being too amazed about the house to even care, ignored the whole thing. The gates opened and the car drove in. As they pulled down the stone driveway, a worker in a neat uniform emerged from the building. Then, a few more workers came out. They took all the bags inside and quickly brought them to their rooms. A worker then jumped in the Bentley and drove it towards a garage. Mr. Mcnair then explained how there were a variety of workers there. They did things from cooking to cleaning the rooms. The family entered through two large doors, and John thought to himself that each must weigh as much as an elephant. Then, out of no where, a large cylinder that reached all the way to the ceiling appeared. This massive waterfall loomed over everything below. At the ceiling, the glass was painted. Although it was too far away to see, John could tell it was an intricate design. Then, the familiar smell of fresh baked cookies wafted through the room. John snuck away from his parents as they went to look at the rooms. The smell came from the kitchen, and it smelled delicious. There was so much pandemonium there that John began feeling claustrophobic. He weaved his way through chefs and workers and found the stash of cookies. He shoved one in his mouth and put one in his pocket for later. He turned around and a large man wearing a white uniform collided with him. Because of the mans size, John took most of the hit, but the chef had to have felt something because he knelt down next to the boy and said “whadda you doin’ with my cookies?” “I’m sorry” Johnny said sacredly, “I didn’t know they were yours”. John could tell the chef was Italian because of his Italian accent. “My name is Chef Antonio. I am the head chef around here. You must be Johnny.” “Yes sir.” John said. “Welcome to your new home” Antonio said. “It is nice to meet you” John said. He quickly left the kitchen. John stumbled into the entrance area again. He then spotted the stairs across the room. He began to jog across. He got halfway when his father told him to join them. They then took an elevator to the top floors where the bedrooms are. John’s room was first. It was designed just to fit his liking. He had his own bathroom and his room was huge. He had a king sized bed with a large plasma T.V on the wall. He had a window and it had a great view of the lake behind the house. The family finished the top floor then worked their way down back to the bottom. They saw the indoor pool, the bowling alley, the movie theater, the loft for games and fun, the lazy river, and many more incredibly fun things. They then took a tour through the yard. In the back there is a boat dock, a large warehouse type building, and a hangar. The Mcnairs explored the boat dock first. They saw the small speed boat for tubing, waterskiing, and wakeboarding. John couldn’t help but be anxious to see what was in the hangar and warehouse. He begged his dad for an hour before he finally agreed. Inside the warehouse were lots of quads, go-carts, dirt bikes, and other things for the lake. They both got on a dirt bike and drove over to the hangar. Inside the hangar was a helicopter, and a jet. His father explained that he had just dealt with a large criminal investigation and how Mr. Mcnair resolved the problem. They locked things up and went inside the house. John went up to his room to do a little more exploring. While searching, he found a secret door that led to another room. It was a study. Inside was a large black leather chair. He sat down in it and looked at the desk. There was nothing on the desk besides a pencil holder and sharpener, a ruler, and a blotter. John flipped a switch on the wall across the room and all of a sudden, a brand new Mac book pro laptop slowly rose from the top of the desk. He then flipped the switch next to it expecting something else that he would like, but it just turned on the lights. He exited the study and sat on his bed. It was then that he noticed a large painting of a snowboarder hanging low to the ground. He thought at first how much he was going to miss snowboarding with his friends back in Vermont. He leaped off the bed and examined the painting. He removed it from the wall and a large bright blue tube appeared. He threw the painting, forgetting about how it was delicate, and crawled in the tube. He was not wearing shoes and he learned that that was a mistake. He lost his balance and went zipping down the slide. He felt like it was never going to end. He finally had a soft landing on pillows and sheets and clothes. He looked around, he was in the laundry room and he just took a ride on the laundry chute. Bummed out in a way that he wasn’t led to another secret room, he heard his father call for him to go to dinner. John groped around feeling for the door. He ended up in the back of the house on the first floor. He sprinted down a couple narrow hallways and then he came to the waterfall. He slowed down a bit and entered the dining room. He chose the seat next to his father, because he wanted to share about his findings. He sat down and began to tell about the room and the chute when a bunch of chefs started walking out of the kitchen holding golden platters stuffed to the brim with food. As the Chefs came in, John could feel his tummy grumble. As they set the food down, John’s eyes started watering. He saw Chef Antonio and gave a little smile. The Chef winked at him and said “Buono Appétit”. The meal was delicious; lobsters and clams. John was so stuffed, he could barely walk. He was going over to the elevator, when a worker pulled up inside the house on a golf cart. He told John how he could ride this around the house instead of walking. Although John was excited, he wanted to sleep. He told the guy to drive him to his room. John fell asleep on the ride. He woke up the next morning to find that all of his bags were unpacked and put away. He got dressed and headed out the door, in seek of new adventure. It was that day that he noticed a van parked right outside the gate. John was going out side to play some basketball, when he saw what they were trying to do. There were two men, wearing all black clothes, cutting a large hole in the fence. They were being robbed. John ran quickly to his father, and told him the sight he had just seen. The father reacted nervously, and said, “There have been reports of men breaking into houses such as this one. They are looking for anything they can get their hands on.” “Well what are we going to do?” John asked his father timidly. “Well I gave the workers and security men the day off, because it is a Sunday” said his father, “But I am sure that we will be able to find help.” John’s father rushed to the phone and quickly dialed a short number; John could tell that he was calling 9-1-1. As soon as his father placed the call, he quickly shouted, “My house is being robbed, we need help.” The voice on the phone responded, “Stay calm. Do they know you are home?”. “No, but they are approaching the house as we speak.” “I will send some rescue cars over now. Stay calm and don’t let your presence be acknowledged by the criminals, we don’t know how dangerous they are.” Mr. Mcnair tried saying thank you. But was cutoff from the line. “Let’s go john”, he said, “we are going to play a little game of hide and seek”. John and his father spent 15 minutes crammed into the smallest corner of the house for fifteen minutes before the sirens wailed from the incoming police cars. Now seeing as the mansion they lived in was so big you would expect there to be millions of hiding spots, but every time john made a suggestion, Mr. Mcnair would just say that it was too obvious and that they would be found, after all they really hadn’t done much exploring. John and his father piled out of the closet and greeted the police officers. They told them the story and talked about who the men were. John, after putting in a long days worth of activities quickly headed up to bed, where he was soon awoken by his mother at 6 the next morning, telling him he was going to miss the school bus the next morning.


3 comments:

  1. Chris, Very descriptive story line. I love the action and slight amount of commedy. Keep up the good work!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think that a bit more description of the actions (like, adverbs) wouldn't hurt it.

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  3. His Dad [worked] for a successful Law Firm that had many wealthy clients and they were relocating him to a place more convenient for them.

    Remember to use commas when using dialogue. Example “It is nice to meet you[,]” John said.

    The title should not be all capitalized.

    overall very good story with few mistakes.

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